Do ghosts have an attachment to the human realm, or do we have an attachment to ghosts? I am not talking about cinematic ghosts that haunt dark spaces in white sheets. I mean those ghosts residing in secret thoughts: ghosts of the past, wisps of times when we slipped through the social net. Who among us has not experienced relationship breakdown, getting the sack or being broke and lonely? You may have become ill, caught up in a natural disaster or suffered violence. All leave a trace.
In Questions Over Coffee, I ask questions about moments that bring us to our knees. Those moments of abject vulnerability that force us to be real. Like ghosts, their scars linger long after a situation has changed. From time to time, we bring our ghosts out of the past to dust and polish until they shine with the power to remind us of loss or pain. Who would we be without them? They are as significant as departed loved ones whose emanations tap us on the shoulder and make us cry. Death, desertion, destitution and disaster shape us and yet we keep them out of sight and carry on. Try as we might, we cannot push them out of mind.
Shades of Memory
We need to attend to our ghosts. They are the shades in our memory. We need to create rituals or find spiritual ways of letting past moments and departed loved-ones rest. In the East, formal processes and religious beliefs surround spirits of the dead and ghosts of the past. Rituals celebrate the end of loss or facilitate coming to terms with it. In the West, we mask grief, sadness and the madness that comes from holding it all in. We attempt to supersede pain by hoping things will get better if we make a bucket list. But, does filling the future with wishes obliterate the past?
Optimism is not enough
The optimism of a bucket list is laudable, but there are pitfalls. Friends may have better lists, or you may not achieve your wishes. Life is unpredictable. From the travel photos that flood social media, I’ve come to think that doing anything for photo ops is akin to taking a selfie. Neither has meaning without the gaze of others. Taking selfies and ticking off bucket lists objectifies us, not only to others but to ourselves in an exhausting, hyperreal life of perpetual motion.
Attending to ghosts requires us to be still. It invites us to go within and drill down on what is real; to reflect with an open heart and learn who we truly are. Attending to ghosts — any moment that made us vulnerable — provides rich human content to write about. It inspires confidence in our writer’s voice.
Try This
- Close your eyes and bring one of your ghosts to mind. A moment or event you may never have shared or don’t like talking about even with close friends.
- Ask yourself — is it night or day, hot or cold? How old are you? Who else is there? What is happening? What do you see, smell, hear, taste or feel? What did you do?
- When you are ready, write until you run out of puff.
Be real. Be honest. Attending to ghosts like this is a magic trick.
NB You might also like to read about working with tragedy and despair.